tcnetwork | Leonard Snart

[Steve fiddles with the hem of his shirt for a moment before looking back up at Len.]

Do you want some cocoa? I got some mini marshmallows.

[Leonard huffs softly, a nod as he moves to sit on the steps.] You know how I like mine.

[Steve heads into the house to make them both cocoa, his hands moving on autopilot as he tries to mentally sort through everything that had just happened. His hands shake slightly as the adrenaline starts to fade and he has to take a few deep breaths to still them as he adds milk and chocolate and the other ingredients to the pot to warm through. When it's ready he heads back outside and sets Len's cup on the porch beside him so he doesn't risk touching his fingers by passing him the cup. Then he sits as far from him as he can on the steps. No more accidental touching here if he can help it. Nope]

I've survived worse.

[A softly spoken reminder as he picks up the mug. He's broken in so many ways and here Steve is, refusing to give up on him.

On them.]

We can survive this.

[There's a klink, the sound of ceramic cracking, and then the patter of hot chocolate splattering on the steps between Steve's feet. His shoulders start shaking and he takes a deep breath to try and stop the sob working its way out of his throat. Now that they've calmed down...that Len is Len again and talking softly Steve can't seem to keep everything together. He sniffles and moves to stand]

I'll get a towel, be right back.

[Leonard nudges Max to follow him. Maybe he sent Barry away too soon.

He can't let Steve vanish inside alone, not like this. So Leonard trails after him, still keeping his distance.]

Should I call Barry back?

I’m fine. We’re fine. [it sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as opposed to Len.]. Just....jittery. Adrenaline crash. [Lies. But nothing a good cry alone won’t help.]

Don't lie to me.
You're terrible at it.

[He dithers a good long while before moving into the kitchen, closing the distance between them.]

Do you need me to go?

I'm not lying. And no, I don't want you to go. Please don't leave.

[Steve doesn't turn to face Len but his grip on the counter is hard enough to make his knuckles white] I underestimated how difficult it is to not touch you when you're hurting. When it's my fault you're hurting. Every single part of me wants to hold you but I can't.

So.

I'm fine. It's the only thing that's keeping me together until I can deal with the emotions.

[He turns slowly, there are tear stains on his cheeks but he's not actually crying right now]

I'm not used to being the big bad I'm fighting against. I can't just go out and punch myself in the face and teach myself a lesson about hurting people. I was as much a victim as you were but I don't have the trauma you have compounding it and making it worse.

I'm trying desperately to not treat you with kid gloves, to walk on eggshells, but I'm so afraid you're going to walk away forever that I can't help it.

[This is not Leonard's strong suit, but he owes it to Steve to try. He still keeps his distance because opening himself emotionally is going to be difficult enough.]

I'm not walking away from this. Us. [That's the easiest thing to start with, the one thing he's certain of.]

I don't like being like this. Broken. But it's a part of who I am. I was never comfortable being touched and now I can't.. I simply can't. [He looks down at his hands. Therapy can't erase a lifetime of damage.]

I wish I could change that for you. [A soft huff.] I tried once, to change my past for all the good it did.

I could have left on the Waverider after what happened.

But I didn't.

I'm not leaving, Steve.
Not until you tell me to.

I can't promise I won't accidentally touch you again. I had no intention of doing that tonight at all but it happened. If later on you decide touch is okay, I'm still not going to do it unless you ask for it or you initiate it. Likely even then I'm going to ask if it's alright. You have my consent to touch me whenever and however you want until I say otherwise and until you gift me with the same, I'm going to do my absolute best to not infringe in your personal space. I want you here Leonard. Always. Whatever I have to do to have that, I'll do it. Anything. Anything at all.

I know it wasn't intentional.

[Leonard nods towards the couch.] Do something for me. Sit down, close your eyes and don't move.

[And if Steve complies - he hopes that he will - Leonard will stand in front of him. The backs of his fingers ghost along his cheek, a barely there touch.

And very softly, Leonard will kiss him.] I love you. [Words he has struggled with his entire life, but words he knows need to be said.

He'll move to sit on the other end of the couch, Max vaulting up to sit between them with a pleased huff.]

[Steve moves to the couch and sits down. He rests his hands on his thighs and closes his eyes sitting perfectly still. Then there's the barest touch of fingers on his cheeks and he can't stop the small gasp from leaving him. It's so gentle, barely there and all together perfect. Then Len kisses him. He has to fight to stop from leaning into it, from deepening it. Three little words that make his heart both stop and beat like it will never slow down again. He has no idea what to do so he sits there stone still breathing hard and trying not to cry]

I love you too. [He doesn't open his eyes until he feels Len and then Max settle on the couch. He picks up the TV remote and turns on a movie...something mundane and silly. Anything to help relax them again and settle unless Len tells him to turn it off]

The Gremlins movies are on the network. [He goes to get his cocoa and fix a fresh mug for Steve before sitting down.] How about the second one?

[They could both use a little ridiculous right about now.]

[Steve queues up the movie and waits for Len to come back before he starts it. Steve hasn't quite relaxed too much yet, and even when Len sits his mug down for him Steve doesn't reach for it just yet. He's trying to settle, it's just difficult. The serum amps everything...so adrenaline crashes are just as bad coming down from as they are quick to rise in the first place. It's going to be a good twenty minutes before he's not as jittery and feels confident he won't shatter this mug like he had the previous one.]

[It's difficult for both of them to settle after such a break, but Leonard knows himself and what he needs to do to come back down.

Max, sensing Steve's tension, simply turns so he can flop his head and front paws in his lap. The warm weight of his body has grounded Bucky on more than a few difficult nights.

One movie becomes another and Leonard finds himself beginning to drowse on the couch, curled up warm and quiet and the reassuring sound of Steve breathing nearby.]

[Steve absentmindedly pets Max as they watch the film. When it's over he stands up to let the dog out before coming back in and starting another. If Len doesn't want to leave yet Steve is not about to kick him out. He shifts on the couch, Max is still between him and Len so he feels a touch more confident with putting his socked feet up on the coffee table and settling into the cushions a bit more.]

((I think we can call this here? Say they both dozed off? Unless you want to do more in the morning?))

Yeah. Here is good. Maybe we can do something Steve and Bucky and/or Mick and Len next

Leonard Snart

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