Give me about twenty minutes andi can come by. [The nightmares have been rough this week and Bucky's been struggling, but when Mick calls he's going to answer]
Hey. [It already feels better to be at the house and Bucky moves into the kitchen to kiss Helen and then give her Pop a proper kiss.
He's tired and jittery which just means a long workout with Steve and a nap later. The nightmares will never completely go away. Not for him.] Smells good.
Thanks. [He goes straight for the coffee, his shoulders still a line of tension.] Not much. I already got a call in with Steve, we're gonna work until I'm ready to drop them I'm going to sleep.
Buck...why won’t you sleep here? You sleep better with us anyway. You told us that. [he sets a plate of food down and joins Bucky at the table. His eyes are searching for answers and trying to hide the pain he feels at seeing someone so loves hurting so much]
[He looks down and away for a moment, wishing that he was better, wishing he was more stable but mostly wishing he wasn't upsetting Mick.] Because I still have nightmares.
You know that attack that happened? The one Di's looking into? My first thought was 'did I do that?'. I had to check my TC and the cabin to make sure I hadn't lost time.
[He looks down at his hands.] I'm dangerous. I will always be dangerous and I can't risk the people I care about most.
[Mick can't imagine having to live with that thought. The fear of thinking you'd done something horrible and not remember doing it. He reaches out and puts a hand on Bucky's.]
I love you and I'm here for you. Even if that means I can't physically be here for you.
I know. [Bucky turns his hand so it's easier to fit in Mick's. Bitterly he wishes he was better, that he wasn't such a hot mess and didn't have to distance himself from Mick or Diana when he felt shaky.]
10/29
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He's tired and jittery which just means a long workout with Steve and a nap later. The nightmares will never completely go away. Not for him.] Smells good.
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Morning doll
You look awful did you get any rest?
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Because I might hurt you.
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Oh. Have you been having a lot of them lately?
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[He looks down at his hands.] I'm dangerous. I will always be dangerous and I can't risk the people I care about most.
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I love you and I'm here for you. Even if that means I can't physically be here for you.
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I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you.
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I don't think you ever will, but I understand. Do you still want a place for Christopher at the cabin or do you prefer not too?