tcnetwork | Steve Rogers

Jesus, Buck. [Cue concerned best friend face] Of course, I'm on my way. Do you want me to meet you at the farm or the arena?

The farm? I need.. a few minutes. [He drags a hand through his hair. He's never going to be free of nightmares.]

Bad night.

[Steve bids Len goodbye and grabs his gear before heading straight to the farm]

Buck? [He lets himself into the house and pokes his head into the kitchen looking for his best friend.]

In here. [He's been sitting in the kitchen with his hands wrapped around a coffee mug for hours. Long enough that the coffee's gone cold.

He's so tired.]

Bucky. [Steve's voice is soft and laced with concern as he moves to kneel beside his best friend. He places a hand on Bucky's metal arm and looks up at him with his earnest blue eyes]

How long have you been sitting here?

A few hours. It was still dark. [Max is sitting at his feet, offering Steve a plaintive whine and a tail wag. Bucky makes a sound.] I think I scared him.

[Steve reaches out and gives Max a comforting head scratch and pet even though he doesn't take his eyes off Bucky.]

I'm going to let Max out to use the bathroom. Do you want to come outside with me?

Y-yeah. Yeah okay. [He forces himself to let go of the mug and get to his feet with Steve. As long as he's close he can go outside with him and Max.

The air is fresh and helps bring him around a little more.]

I'm sorry.
I know it's early and that your fella works late.

[Steve wraps an arm around Bucky giving him the comforting weight and support he knows he needs when this happens. He doesn't admonish and he doesn't blame him]

You don't need to apologize for needing me Bucky. I'm always going to be here for you whenever. Time doesn't matter. If you need me, call me. Please.

[He stands on the porch beside his best friend while Max does his business and the fresh air seems to give Bucky a bit more color and strength back]

I couldn't stop seeing them. [The people that he'd killed. The lives he destroyed.

Bucky leans into him and breathes.] I couldn't stop seeing that goddamn chair.

Every time I'd wake up there was another handler but he was always the same. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Every time I'd doubt myself.

[Steve turns and wraps his arms tightly around Bucky giving him a solid hug]

I'm sorry, Buck. Did they...they use men who looked like me? [Steve has never asked about the handlers before. The only one he ever knew of was Rumlow and he was not blonde or blue eyed.]

[He buries his face in his neck and hangs on. Bucky can only nod at the question.]

They knew who I was. They knew they could use you against me.

Never could tell you no.

[He strokes his friends back and just lets him cling as long as he needs too. He knows because Shuri told him that some of the damage to Bucky's brain was permanent and he'll likely never fully recover from it. It's horrible and he feels somewhat responsible. If he'd gone looking for him instead of drowning his sorrows in booze and then crashing a plane to commit suicide maybe...maybe it wouldn't be like this. So he just holds him close and lets the morning brighten around them]

Have you had food at all since lunch yesterday? [That had been the last time he'd seen Bucky.]

[Lunch? He shakes his head.] No. No I don't think so.

I don't remember. [He hates his mind, hates how it makes him doubt himself.]

Come on, I'll make you some breakfast before we go work out. Can't do that running on empty after all. [He offers him a supportive smile.] Can you give Max his bowl of food while I get ours ready?

Yeah.
Yeah I can do that.

[With a task to do, Bucky is okay to move on his own, fill his dog's bowl and ruffle the dog's ears in apology.

He can drink some coffee and sit and watch Steve work.]

[Steve is far from the best cook around but he can reheat some quiche and sweet rolls Mick has obviously sent over along with frying up some bacon. He plates it up and grabs his own cup of coffee before joining Bucky at the table]

Alright, Buck. Eat up. After this we can get ready and head over to the arena where I can kick your butt for a few hours.

[He can drink his coffee and try to collect himself while Steve cooks. It's familiar and alien at the same time but it's enough to keep his attention focused and out of the past and the nightmares that plagued him.

A ghost of a smile at the challenge.] Yeah, you say that now.

And I'll be more than happy to back it up. [He chuckles at the teasing nature of his reply.]

Afterwards we can go to the Saloon and get some drinks and a table full of fried food.

[Being around Steve helps in ways he's not sure he could ever explain to Mick or Diana. There's a comfort in their shared past and even the trauma of the war and being pulled forward in time. The food helps and he's feeling at least a little closer to human after clearing his plate twice and going to the sink to toss a little water on his face.] Always the man with the plan, huh?

Well one of us should have one. [He chuckles and stands to do his own dishes] Yours are usually better so if you think of anything let me know.

Aren't you the one sweet on the master crook? [A fond tease as he sets the rest of the dishes in the machine to be dealt with later.

Max can run outside and watch the animals as they head to the gym.

Bucky is restless and itching for movement, a way to safely release the need for action without anyone being hurt.]

Yes, but this is between you and me. [He says with mock seriousness] I got the looks and you got the brains.

[Bucky snorts at him fondly because Steve's always been the brains ]

I don't know about that. Seems like your fella is smarter than even a Stark.

Pretty sure Lenny's smarter than just about anyone. [He smiles over at Bucky]

You ready to go?

Steve Rogers

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