tcnetwork | Edward Nygma / The Riddler

[Immediately after this was sent.]

Edward,

I love you and I need to know if you were the one to mention Mr. Rogers to Lady Kathra in regards to looking into my candidacy to be the genetic father of her child.

Again, I love you,

Oswald.

Oswald,

[ Well, that seems like a loaded 'I love you' in his opinion! ]

No. Of course not. Why would I do that?

I love you too,
Edward

[It's very loaded. Like a gun for Russian roulette.]

Edward,

Because she mentioned having spoken to him for some reason when his name was not on the list of those I handed over for references and you and he are friends and you have had a tendency to mention him at times when you were reminded of him in some way.

I'm not sure what about my ability to get it up would remind you of him, but as that's the only thing you brought to my attention regarding her inquires, it's really all I have to go on.

I do love you. I mean that.

A little perturbed,
Oswald

[ the difficulty with TCs? You can't call someone up just to slam it down repeatedly in a clearly mature act of mature maturity. Especially if your TC is your own glasses. ]

Oswald,

Then I'm forced to repeat myself: I did not tell her to speak to him. I did not bring him up at all. I did not mention his name as we were not talking about him, but you. I sincerely doubt that I was the only person you gave as a character reference, and I am more than a little ~~disa...disarrayed.~~ 'Perturbed' that you didn't consider that perhaps one of them was the one who mentioned Steve Rogers.

Edward

Edward,

Disturbed. Distressed. Disquieted.

I have considered that possibility. But I wanted to confirm with you that you did no such thing first. So that if you did, I could have a polite discussion about the fact that while you may be friends with Mr. Rogers and I have attempted to extend an olive branch his way, he continues to be someone with whom I have contention.

...disappointed?

It wasn't disappointed you were looking for was it?

Not perturbed at you, perturbed at the turn of events,
Oswald

Oswald,

I don't know what word I was looking for.

It wasn't me.

Yours,
Edward

Edward! I didn't assume it was you! That's why I asked! To make sure it wasn't!

[There is a bit of pleading desperation in his voice because text just wouldn't do it justice and Ed had to know he really wasn't mad at him. Just... mad. In general.

Please don't be disappointed in him, Ed.]

Fine.

Who else did you tell her to contact?

Harry, Kristen, and Maya.

It was probably Kristen. Trying to be helpful or something.

Mmmmmmm....

[A strangled groan of frustration. He'd picked Kristen entirely on the assumption she wouldn't volunteer unneeded information without being asked. He didn't like the idea that he'd misjudged her in that regard.]

Alright. I'll ask her. And if she did, I'll... simply ask her not to bring Mr. Rogers up in conversation when someone asks about me.

[And maybe threaten her a little. Verbally. Not physically. He liked her. So he'd be nice about it.]

She probably isn't aware of your issues with him. I don't see how she would be unless you've told her.

Has he said something that will make her not choose you?

She mentioned she spoke to him and then immediately asked for me to name the worst thing I've ever done.

I doubt the two are unrelated.

...he couldn't possibly know anything that you've done at home. He's not even from our world.

Well clearly he said something! You know he doesn't like me!

If she's still asking you questions, you must still be in consideration. She did ask if it would upset me if she required you to sleep with her.

As if I'd sleep with her.

[If you can't hear the eyeroll in his tone, Ed, then he was somehow not dismissive and sarcastic enough.]

My mother's safety and security is at stake here, Ed! If Steve ruined my chance to make sure she's well taken care of, somewhere far from where I'm running a brothel, then he's going to pay!

It's not really up to me either way.

I know it is, Oswald. If he has, then...yes. I suppose that he'll have to. But he's too....ingratiated? With the townfolk to just kill him and have done with it. Probably you'd need to ruin his reputation or something.

If he has ruined it, we'll find a way. There are other hauses. There are certainly people in them who are less...I can't remember the word. Stringent?

[There's a pregnant pause and eventually and audible gulp. Oswald suddenly realizing that this arrangement he was trying to make might be uncomfortable for Ed. For him, it was entirely clinical. All business. But the way Ed said that...]

Do you- Are you... Do you want me to tell her I can no longer be considered?

What? No!

[ If he were going to do that, he certainly wouldn't wait until Oswald were this far into the process before raising an objection. ]

Because it is up to you, you know.

[He kind of barreled on, speaking almost immediately despite the answer, not quite processing that it had been given just yet.]

We're together and if you're uncomfortable with this then I can work on finding another way to secure my mother's future and safety. I won't even be able to get her for another four months so it's not like it's really interrupting anything...

[And then the answer hits and there is so much relief in his voice.]

Oh. Okay. Good. I... I wouldn't want to... I'd be thinking of you the whole time. You know. When I...

...donated.

[ This is not even remotely a conversation he ever expected to be having with Oswald Cobblepot in any world. Ever. ]

Would you?

I don't think she'll find a better candidate than you.

I agreed wholeheartedly that I'm clearly the best candidate.

[Ego? What ego?]

Not that you wouldn't be a fine one, of course, but I'd hardly think it worth your time.

[And if Ed volunteered he might have to stab the woman. So it's good he didn't. Hypocrite? Yes. Very much so.]

And... I know we haven't... progressed to that... but... yes... I mean... Of course.... I don't really need to explain that further, do I?

I have no reason to volunteer, everything and everyone I care about is already here. [ Meaning Oswald. ] And I certainly don't care if her Haus flourishes or dies with her.

You do not, no. We're both in this relationship and aware of what has and has not transpired yet. Things take their own time.

...do you bowl? [ What a subject shift. ]

...is that a euphemism I'm not familiar with? Or do you mean actual bowling?

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