tcnetwork | Leonard Snart

[The stories are almost enough to make him forget what had happened to shatter the peace between them. He relaxes enough to eat and offer up the usual snarky comment as Steve tells him stories about his past.

The farm isn't private, but it isn't exactly public either. Still he gives a nod, not ready to end the night either and they could use some time to talk.] Sure. We can do that.

[The walk is easy and quiet, giving him time to feel a little more comfortable in his skin before they sit together on the swing.]

[Steve has lots of stories to tell, some of the past and some of the future. He tells Len anything and everything as they walk back to the farm. It's quiet but you can still hear people coming and going. Help can come quickly if one of them screams loud enough.

Steve opens the door to let Max out and then sits down on the porch swing leaving plenty of room for Len to decide where he'd like to sit. The swing is big enough for three to four adults to sit very comfortably if they wanted too.]

Has Helen managed to take a few steps yet?

[Max is happy to greet them both before going on his rounds to check on the animals.

He sits on the swing with him. Maybe it was the easy dinner or the lack of tension but he's not as on guard as he's been the past month and it's liberating. He can breathe.]

She's trying, both her and Grace are pulling themselves up, so it won't be long now.

I can't get over how big they've gotten, and I've only known them for about 6 months....crazy.

[Steve's voice is soft as he shakes his head fondly, a smile on his face. A gentle breeze blows over the porch and rustles a few trees and flowers, the smell of the farm familiar now and relaxing for Steve. Max walks over and settles at his feet with a small woof and lays his head on his paws. He's a good dog.

Steve lets the quiet linger and the comfort rise, relaxing more and more as time passes even in silence. He's not even thinking at all as he shifts his arm to settle over the back of the swing, his hand accidentally brushing Len's shoulder. He still instantly, the apology on his tongue almost immediately.]

[The evening is cool and the scents and sounds of the farm are more relaxing than a city kid like Leonard would have imagined. He watches the animals mill in their pens or out in their grazing fields.

He could see himself visiting again.

Then a hand brushes his shoulder, touch a little too close and he flinches back as if he was burned by it. His breath comes in quick and sudden gasps and he can't help his reaction, scrambling backwards and away.

Get away. Get away.]

[Steve doesn't move, he stays exactly where he was hands where they were and eyes wide in shock as Len flails and flinches away from him. He did that...he's the reason that happened...as much as he wants too he can't stop the tears gathering in his eyes.

Max jerks when Len moves quickly and he gives a small woof before moving to Leonard and making sure he's between Steve and the other man using his body to shield him. It's almost like he seems to know]

[ooc:If you don't want Max to act like that feel free to change it up :) ]

[Leonard's eyes are screwed shut against the memories, breath coming in short and shaky pants against a swell of panic. A solid wall of fur presses against him, nose snuffling in to find his face.

Weak.
Pathetic.]

Don't.
Don't..

[Steve has no idea what to do. He knows he can't touch him like he might someone else he loved who was stuck in a panic attack. Touch often grounded him when he was in the throws of one. He opens his TC and calls Barry, the only person he can think of who might know how he can help.]

Barry, Len is having a panic attack...how can I help him without touching him?

[Barry doesn't reply. Instead he's there in a rush of wind, running up to the farm at normal speeds though. He doesn't want to startle Leonard.

He goes to Steve first because Max seems to have things under control.] Hey. Are you okay?

[steve shakes his head and points at Leonard]

Don’t worry about me. Please help him.

I'm here for both of you. [A firm grip to his shoulder before he moves to kneel beside Snart.

Soft words are murmured and gradually Leonard's panicked breathing begins to slow and ease and Barry sits back on his heels, relieved. He pets Max again because damn that's a good dog.]

It's okay. We're all okay.

[Steve could care less about himself. All he can see is Leonard curled up on the porch a picture of absolute terror all because his hand gently brushed his shoulder. Fuck he's an absolute piece of shit thinking he could ever repair the damage he inflicted on Len. He can feel his emotions shutting down as he closes off the fear and pain of a broken heart...Len comes first. Len always will come first.

Once Barry has Len calm Steve nods slowly.]

Yeah...we're okay. [His tone is rather bland, but it's a defense mechanism, a way to compartmentalize and deal with the current issue at a hand. He doesn't know where this leaves them but he's not going to push this anymore. He should have listened to Len..he shouldn't have tried again.] Everything's just fine. [They are so far off the reservation of fine it's not even funny.]

Edited (coding) 2020-08-02 20:35 (UTC)

No. [Barry's eyes sharpen as he looks up at Steve. He knows that mindset because he's been there more times than he can count.

A soft murmur to Snart before he's on his feet again.] Don't do that. You're not going to do you or him any favors like that.

I'm not doing him any favors with this either, Barry. I brushed his shoulder. It was an accidental, barely there touch and this is what happened. I can't do this to him. It's not fair to him. I love him too much. [His tone doesn't quite match the words, he's trying to be stoic and not fall apart. It's his 'Cap' voice as Tony would call it. Steve has always had a blind spot where love was concerned. He practically started a war for Bucky and he was just his brother for lack of better term. There isn't much of anything at all he wouldn't do for him. For Leonard...Steve's pretty sure there isn't anything at all he wouldn't do if Len seriously asked him to do it.]

I'm right here. Don't talk like I'm not. [A furious snarl as he looks up. He's upset and unsteady but he won't be discussed like some delicate flower that can't stomach small things without falling apart.]

[Steve has many adjectives to describe Leonard. Fragile and delicate are not on the list. Blue eyes turn to meet the blue of Len's still teary orbs and he has to fight to keep his own tears at bay. If Steve wasn't so fragile himself he'd likely have something better to say then what he actually says.]

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I scared you. If you want me to leave you alone I will. I don't want to hurt you again. I care about you too much to do that to you.

[He snarls as he pulls himself to his feet.]

And I told you I was a minefield of issues before we even did this.

I'm not running.

Are you?

[Yeah...that look..that's confusion. Utter confusion]

You still? I mean No I don't want to run away, but I also don't want to give you a panic attack again.

We're peachy here Scarlet. Run along home to Cisco and the kids.

[That's as much a dismissal as Barry's ever heard and he gives him a nod before the speedster excuses himself.

Leonard stands up.
He's pale and shaky and Max is soft and warm beneath his fingers which helps.]

This isn't the first or last one I'll ever have.

[Steve fiddles with the hem of his shirt for a moment before looking back up at Len.]

Do you want some cocoa? I got some mini marshmallows.

[Leonard huffs softly, a nod as he moves to sit on the steps.] You know how I like mine.

[Steve heads into the house to make them both cocoa, his hands moving on autopilot as he tries to mentally sort through everything that had just happened. His hands shake slightly as the adrenaline starts to fade and he has to take a few deep breaths to still them as he adds milk and chocolate and the other ingredients to the pot to warm through. When it's ready he heads back outside and sets Len's cup on the porch beside him so he doesn't risk touching his fingers by passing him the cup. Then he sits as far from him as he can on the steps. No more accidental touching here if he can help it. Nope]

I've survived worse.

[A softly spoken reminder as he picks up the mug. He's broken in so many ways and here Steve is, refusing to give up on him.

On them.]

We can survive this.

[There's a klink, the sound of ceramic cracking, and then the patter of hot chocolate splattering on the steps between Steve's feet. His shoulders start shaking and he takes a deep breath to try and stop the sob working its way out of his throat. Now that they've calmed down...that Len is Len again and talking softly Steve can't seem to keep everything together. He sniffles and moves to stand]

I'll get a towel, be right back.

[Leonard nudges Max to follow him. Maybe he sent Barry away too soon.

He can't let Steve vanish inside alone, not like this. So Leonard trails after him, still keeping his distance.]

Should I call Barry back?

Leonard Snart

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